


Ring Around the Hulk

by Alexis_Rockford, Cassandra_Elise



Series: Fab Four Fiascoes [2]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Help! (1965), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Asgard (Marvel), Attempt at Humor, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Avengers Family, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Minor Brunnhilde | Valkyrie/Thor (Marvel), Parody, Rings, Sakaar (Marvel), Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-07-12 12:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Rockford/pseuds/Alexis_Rockford, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassandra_Elise/pseuds/Cassandra_Elise
Summary: When the scorned Grandmaster sends Banner a mysterious ring, it gets stuck on his finger with the direst of consequences: he's suddenly unable to transform into Hulk. Along with Loki, their newest recruit, the Avengers seek the aid of the last Valkyrie to outwit one of the MCU's most annoying villains. (We mean Grandmaster, not Loki. Sheesh.)Yes, this is a parody ofHelp!No, you may not ask.This is the second part of our Fab Four Fiascoes series, but just as the movies upon which they are based, you can read them in either order.Chapter 4 posted: Valkyrie makes five more attempts to retrieve the ring from Banner.





	1. Prologue: Something Must Be Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Grandmaster discovers the Hulk is missing and recruits Valkyrie to retrieve him.

En Dwi Gast was not used to having to wait for anything. Being the supreme ruler of Sakaar, he had grown accustomed to having his every whim obeyed. Now, seated on the balcony of his grand Colosseum, he was livid that his Contest of Champions for the evening had not yet begun. He turned to his bodyguard, a short, solid yet intimidating female.

“Topaz, my dear,” he said between clenched teeth. “Where is the Hulk?”

She turned to him with a disinterested shrug. “How should I know?”

“Well,” he hissed, showering her ruddy cheeks with flecks of spittle. “Find out.”

Seated across the arena from him on a smaller balcony at the front of her spacecraft, Scrapper 142 toasted him with a bottle of vodka and a smirk. The lateness of the customary nightly entertainment had obviously not gone unnoticed. She was always so smug, so self-assured. Gods, he hated her. As soon as he caught her eye, she rose, stumbling toward the front of the vessel. Grinning, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, triangular device which she affixed to her voice box.

Oh, no. She wouldn’t _dare._

“People of Sakaar!” she announced with a newly amplified voice. “Are you prepared for the battle of a lifetime?”

The crowd echoed her excitement, and the Grandmaster began to fidget nervously in his luxurious chair. If there was anything he was afraid of, it was mob mentality.

“And now, for your champion,” she continued, much to his dismay. “Whose embrace with the Lord of Lightning made the whole planet tremble!”

“Tremble!” the crowd chanted. En Dwi Gast cringed in his seat.

“Yeah,” she agreed, taking a swig from her bottle. “Tremble.” She stopped momentarily to drain her drink dry. Then, swaying precariously, she continued, “Whose name is the Terrible. Whose name is Baleful. Whose name is Inaccessible. Whose name is the Green Monster, Father of Destruction!”

“Hulk!”

“We turn our hearts to the Hulk,” she raised her empty vessel. “Drinker of blood, Green Monster.”

“Hulk!”

Just then, the gates opened, and a frightened looking stone man wandered into the center of the arena, holding a pathetic looking spear.

“Uh, good evening,” he ventured timidly. “My name is Korg.”

Scrapper 142 released a drunken guffaw. “Killer of demons, gorge on this flesh, our offering. Drink…” She tipped the bottle again, forgetting it was empty.

“Halt!”

The Grandmaster’s head swivelled to see Topaz with a murderous expression on her face. “Halt?” he repeated stupidly.

“The creature.” Topaz shook with rage. “He has escaped!”

A murmur of dissension rippled through the crowd, causing En Dwi Gast’s hair to stand on end. He clenched and unclenched his fingers. “I bet that smooth talking low-key guy helped him,” he muttered to his lackey. “I knew I should have given him a chair!”

“Not to worry, Grandmaster.” Topaz nodded toward her liege. “You foresaw this eventuality, if you recall. What you commanded has been done.”

“You zapped him with the Melt Stick?” he asked excitedly.

Topaz rolled her eyes. “No, but I did send him a very interesting ring…”

The Grandmaster looked puzzled for a moment, but his anxiety soon melted into a triumphant grin. “Oh, you mean the one that…”  
  
Topaz nodded.

“Excellent, excellent!” he breathed, rubbing his hands together. “So, where do we go pick him up?”

“Grandmaster, the necessary preparations…” Topaz began.

“Make the preparations for my immediate departure,” he interrupted.

“Are made,” she finished, defeated.

“Oh,” he said sheepishly. “But I’m going to need a bounty hunter to wrangle him for me. Otherwise, I might break a nail or something.” He nodded to his entourage, who began to work the equipment that projected his image to the middle of the arena. “Scrapper 142,” he beckoned and she scowled back at him. “To my side at once, without delay.” She crossed her arms defiantly as though daring him to make her. Sighing, he turned to Topaz, who procured the Melt Stick from regions unknown and handed it to him. He stroked it lovingly, making certain the ornery woman opposite him noticed.

Glaring, she scrambled to her feet and sat down at the console of her vehicle. She pushed the throttle forward and the craft zoomed over to the balcony where the Grandmaster and his second-in-command stood.

“You ask of me, Grandmaster?” she slurred.

“Obedience and love, of course,” was the reply. He grinned his slimiest grin, and the bounty hunter wished she could take an immediate shower.

“This is so,” Topaz prompted her, unsmiling.

Scrapper 142 rolled her eyes.

The Grandmaster continued to pointedly fondle the deadly weapon in his hands.

“This is so,” she finally muttered.

“The Hulk.” En Dwi Gast carefully enunciated each consonant of the champion’s name. “I need him back. And you are going to help me. Do. Just. That.” He playfully booped her nose with every syllable, and it took all of her willpower not to slit his throat. “Something must be done. Without the Hulk, there will be no Contest of Champions, without the Contest of Champions, there will be no more happy rabble and without a happy rabble…” He shuddered at the thought. “No more me.”

“This is so,” Topaz agreed.

Korg squinted up at them from the arena floor. “So I guess I’m not getting eaten today then?”


	2. I Thought She Was a Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banner, Thor, and Loki explain their predicament to Stark, who is not amused.

In New York City, the Avengers Tower, formerly known as Stark Tower, stood as a bastion of hope and safety in a world of chaos and peril. Citizens knew from observing the myriad of hi-tech and mythological marvels that entered and exited the building that justice would prevail as long as Earth’s mightiest heroes were around to save the day. 

On that particular Thorsday--that is, Thursday--two elderly women watched as Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, and Loki Laufeyson exited a limo and headed to the revolving door of the Tower. The first woman started waving eagerly at the stars, elbowing her neighbour. “Wave!”

The second woman shook her head. “I don't like to.”

“Go on, wave.”

“Shall I?” The second woman sounded dubious. Finally, she shrugged and started waving madly. “They expect it, don't they?”

The first woman sighed. “Lovely boys, and so natural. Adoration hasn't gone to their heads one ounce, has it? You know what I mean, success?”

Her companion nodded her head in agreement. “Just so natural, and still the same as they were before...except for that Loki character. He’s really turned over a new leaf!”

Loki, as if hearing his name, glanced in their direction and blew them a kiss, which sent them into giggles.

Inside the Avengers Tower, there was no mirth. In the penthouse suite where Loki had been Hulk-smashed just months before, Tony Stark paced as Thor, Bruce, and Loki took turns explaining their predicament. 

“So we landed on this planet, Sakaar...” Bruce began.

“But at different times, because Bifrost travel,” Loki interrupted. 

“And then we had chairs,” Thor supplied. “Or at least _I_ had a chair and a haircut, and Loki and Banner were...fine”

“Except I was Hulk by this time,” Banner reminded them.

Tony gritted his teeth. “Get to the point.”

“So long story short, there’s a crazy psycho named the Grandmaster who wants Thor and the Hulk to fight in his arena,” Bruce said.

“And he may or may not have followed us to Midgard.” Loki at least had the decency to look contrite.

“So you let an alien follow you to Earth?” Tony shook his head incredulously. “What is wrong with you guys?” 

“We figured with the help of some of our friends...” Thor began, but Tony stopped him.

“Cap, Hawkeye, and Black Widow are on other assignments. It’s just us, Blondie.”

“Well, as I said, we don’t know if the Grandmaster and his cronies actually followed us,” Loki spoke with all the smoothness of a trained diplomat. “Perhaps the best course of action is to see if he is even here. Set a trap for him, so to speak.” He looked pointedly at Banner.

“Who me?” Bruce’s hand flew to his chest in surprise, the ring on his finger flashing in the light.

“Well, he either wants you or Thor. Might as well use you for bait.”

“Great, we have half of a plan.” Tony stepped behind the bar. “Anyone care for a drink?”

“I’d like some food,” Banner said miserably, still not thrilled at being “bait.” 

“There’s vending machines three floors down and a cafeteria on the ground floor.”

As Thor joined Stark for a beer, Loki and Banner made their way downstairs to get some sustenance. Loki punched in some buttons for crisps, while Bruce tried to get a sandwich from a large refrigerated vending machine. Unbeknownst to him, _someone_ was hiding inside. As he opened the slot to get his sandwich, she grabbed his ring finger.

“Hey! Someone's got a hold of my finger,” Bruce yelped.

Loki didn’t even glance up from his bag of potato crisps. “You trying to attract attention again?”

Bruce noticed the slim female on the other side of the machine. “She's pulling at it.”

Valkyrie gave up on subtlety and tried to bite the ring off, much to the vocal protestation of Bruce. After several seconds of his howling, she let go and ducked out through the hole she had created in the machine and wall.

Loki stopped chewing to shake his head at Bruce in disgust. He had failed to see Valkyrie.

Bruce looked down at the sandwich he had acquired then back at the now unoccupied vending machine. “She had my finger, you know…”

Loki sighed, pivoted dramatically, and stalked away. “Stop trying to drag things down to your own level. Too immature, mortal.”

Bruce followed numbly after Loki like a dog who’d been kicked. “I thought she was a sandwich until she went nuts on my hand.” 

Meanwhile, in the next room, Scrapper 142 radioed her boss.

“So, the ring?” his eager cry came through her console.

“No. I could not get it off, Grandmaster.”

“Oh, dear! That doesn’t sound good for any of you…”

“I’ll try again tonight,” she hastily assured him. 

“Good. ‘Cos I don’t need to remind you what happens if you don’t succeed.” The two-way radio clicked off with finality.  
  


****

The Avengers checked the vending machine per Bruce’s insistence, but by that time, Valkyrie had used some high-tech chicanery to undo the damage. Still not convinced of his safety, Bruce went to bed in one of the many rooms feeling uneasy. Thor, Tony, and Loki slept the sleep of angels...

Valkyrie sneaked quietly through the Tower, checking all of the rooms for Banner. She had to get that ring off, or the Grandmaster was going to use her to kidnap this Banner fellow for his own sadistic purposes. She couldn’t let that happen. 

Finally, she found him: he was sleeping upside down, his feet on the pillows, his head underneath the coverlet.  _ Whatever gets you through the night… _ she thought. Valkyrie released a drone with a claw on the end and sent it hovering over the duvet. The claw lifted the heavy blanket until Bruce’s ring finger was exposed. She used the drone to try to wrest the ring off of the sleeping Bruce, but the more she tugged, the closer to the edge of the bed he drew until...THUD. He rolled out of bed. 

Bruce woke up, startled, and searched for the culprit. He watched a drone slip out of the room.

In his sleep-addled mind, a drone could only mean one person: Tony Stark. Banner stumbled out and pounded on the door of Tony’s room. As he waited for Stark to answer, he slipped to the floor, weary and half-asleep.

Tony opened the door, and Bruce tumbled inside backwards. He remembered his mission. “Hey! Have you been messing about with me in my sleep? I mean, with a drone.”

Stark stared at him in annoyance as he stifled a yawn. “I wouldn't touch you with a plastic one. What are you doing on the floor?”

“I'm tired.” Banner crawled back to his room.

Tony shook his head, bemused at his friend’s antics. He checked his iPhone for the time. With a mischievous grin, he dialed an in-house extension number. As the landline rang, he found some music on his phone and held up the speaker to the mouthpiece, ready to hit  _ play.  _

Loki’s voice, laden with sleep, came over the landline. “Whoever woke me up is dead.” AC/DC blasted his ears by way of a reply. 

Tony took the iPhone away to add, “Rise and shine, Gorgeous! It’s gonna be a beautiful day.” 

“I hate you.” Loki hung up.


	3. I Didn't Encourage That Wink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers go for shawarma with Loki, and Barton solicits unwanted attention from the Grandmaster.

Tony, Thor, Loki, and Banner spent the morning discussing ways to lure out the Grandmaster. They were planning to meet with Hawkeye, who was arriving home from his mission, for lunch to fill him in on their predicament. They were rendezvousing at a Shawarma place. Loki, who had been left out of their last meal at the establishment, demanded a “redo” meal.

Clint hurried from his taxicab toward the Shawarma restaurant, but he was intercepted by a tall, gangly man in yellow and blue robes. His face was painted with ostentatious makeup, especially around the eyes.

“Hey, Avenger! Get a load of this, buddy. Gold! All of it, pure gold,” the Grandmaster drawled. “In easy to handle denominational nuggets. Unmarked. Not a mark on them.”

Barton did a double take at the money the man was proffering. A beautiful woman in a white combat suit stalked over. He reached for an arrow on his back. “Are you kidding me? I will not be bribed.”

Scrapper 142 shook her head vigorously. “No.”

“It’s true! I don’t know what you’re after, but I won’t be swayed by money.”

The woman eyed Hawkeye lustily, then turned to the man in flowing robes. “He’s not the Avenger with the ring.”

Hawkeye thought of his wedding ring, hidden in a secret safe. Were they after his family? “Aren't I?” he challenged.

The woman sized him up and down. “No, unfortunately.”

Clint relaxed slightly. These weirdos clearly didn’t know about his family. He’d have to keep an eye on them, nonetheless, but the people he loved most weren’t in any immediate danger. He walked into the restaurant where Loki and Thor were already seated.

Meanwhile, Valkyrie peeked into the restaurant window, trying to get the attention of the Avengers. If she could only alert them to the Grandmaster’s presence without raising the suspicion of her manic and malevolent boss...She winked unobtrusively at Thor, but he was staring too intently at the menu to notice. Loki noticed but failed to make the connection.

“I didn't encourage that wink,” he said.

The Grandmaster spotted a shorter man in a Beatles t-shirt and suit coat stepping out of a limo. “Aha! Hey, Avenger. You wanna have fun, eh?” He displayed the gold nuggets enticingly.

Tony studied him over his sunglasses. “I’ll pass, Pops. I _own_ a gold mine.”

Valkyrie gently poked the Grandmaster in the arm. “He is not the one either.”

The Grandmaster grinned apologetically. “My gosh. They all look the same with their similitude and language.”

En Dwi Gast’s obsequious smile vanished into a menacing sneer as Tony sauntered into the restaurant. “Where’s the human Hulk? Scrapper 142, I am losing my patience…”

Topaz emerged from a parked white van with the Melt Stick. “Grandmaster, shall I execute her now?”

The Grandmaster looked positively repulsed. “Right here on the sidewalk? No, no, we don’t want a mess. Yuck.”

Scrapper 142 saw Banner arriving in a taxi. She had to move quickly before he was kidnapped! She put her hand up to her ear as if she was listening to a feed on an earpiece. “Umm, Mighty Grandmaster, I just received news that the Hulk has decided to forgo lunch. Let’s get back to the Avengers Tower before he moves again.”

En Dwi Gast turned to his right-hand woman Topaz. “After him.” He dashed off to the van. “Quickly, quickly.”  
  
Topaz nodded. “Yes, yes.”

He ushered the two ladies ahead of him into the car. “All in.”

Topaz checked the backseat to make certain Scrapper 142 was present. “All in together now, sir.”

“Now, we go...together.” The van drove off just as Banner climbed out of the cab.


	4. I Am Not What I Seem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valkyrie makes five more attempts to retrieve the ring from Banner.

In the days that followed Valkyrie made five more attempts to steal the ring without the Grandmaster’s knowledge.

Hours after the near-miss at the Shawarma location, Loki and Banner stepped into one of the Avengers Tower lifts. The god of mischief was in a rather cheery mood after enjoying the Indian food with his team mates. He hummed breezily as he threw an arm around Bruce’s shoulder like they were old buddies.

Banner acknowledged the half-hug with a quirked eyebrow and pushed the elevator button. “You’re acting very chummy. What first attracted you to me?”

“Well, you're very polite, aren’t you?” Loki grinned. “Especially when you’re the other Fellow.”

Valkyrie flipped a switch, and the lift carriage was suddenly magnetized. An electronic hum began pulsing through the elevator. All of the metal items in the lift sprang away from their owners and stuck to the wall. Loki’s helmet went flying. Loki himself became trapped to a wall by the metal on his belt. Banner’s bejewelled hand glued itself to the carriage’s metal ceiling.

Loki growled. “What’s going on? Is this Stark’s idea of a joke?”

Bruce’s ring, much like Loki’s belt, did not wriggle loose. Frustrated, Valkyrie switched off her machine.

Bruce fell to the floor of the carriage then hopped back up. “Hope he's in.”

Loki adjusted his helmet, glancing suspiciously at his companion. “Shouldn’t you be angry?”

Bruce shrugged. “Oddly enough, I feel fine.”

Several hours later, Thor and Bruce wandered down to the ground floor so Bruce could mail a letter at the built-in mail receptacle.

Banner thrust his hand with the ring into the mailbox. Valkyrie, hiding out in the box, grabbed his finger with needle-nose pliers. “Ow!” Bruce screamed.

Thor eyed him with some alarm. “What are you doing?”

Bruce yanked his hand back. “Posting a letter to Betty. Ow!”

They both walked away, Bruce eyeing the mailbox with contempt.

Bruce was slightly more trepidatious when he ventured out later to get a movie to watch from the nearest Redbox kiosk. Looking left and right, he approached the machine. Seeing nothing untoward, he inserted his money and selected a movie. Instead of a DVD, a heavy mallet crashed into the bin below, nearly crushing his hand. Bruce waited for the Hulk to rear his livid head, but nothing happened. Nervously, Bruce backed up and scurried away.

The next morning, the Avengers were up early to address the looming Grandmaster threat. Thor stood in the community washroom, combing his hair and beard, while Bruce washed his hands.   
Banner turned on a state-of-the-art, super strong hand dryer. Instead of blasting hot air, it created a vacuum and began sucking up anything in the perimeter: bath towels, combs, bars of soap. The wind suction intensified and started pulling the two heroes towards the machine. Bruce’s sleeves from his button down shirt both ripped off at the seams and were pulled into the giant vacuum.

“Odin’s Beard!” Thor grabbed ahold of the bathroom sink, but his inordinate strength ripped it right out of the wall. Water gushed from the now exposed pipe, drenching him and Dr. Banner. Thor’s white t-shirt was soon clinging to his chiseled muscles.

“What’s all the commotion?” Tony demanded as he entered the room, Loki trailing warily behind him. Immediately, Loki’s shirt was ripped clean off, exposing a pale but defined chest. Loki grabbed at Stark to stop from being sucked in, and the two started skidding backwards toward the machine. Thor slipped on the pouring water, landing on his derriere with a loud THUMP. Bruce lost his balance seconds later.

In a nearby coffee shop, Valkyrie stared at the scene playing out on her tiny monitor, slightly horrified, slightly turned on. Noticing the ring was the only item NOT being sucked in, she sighed and cut off the device with her remote control. A woman sitting nearby gave her a judgmental glare.

Valkyrie quickly shut the lid. “I am not what I seem.” She smiled demurely at the woman and winked.

“Hey! My skin's soaked right through to the skin,” Thor sputtered, water dripping from his long, blond hair.

From his position on the floor, Bruce waited for his heart rate to speed up, his pupils to dilate, his body to expand. But nothing happened. He frowned, twisting his ring around and around his finger. “There's more here than meets the eye.”

Loki tossed back his wet locks out of his flashing eyes. “Ho, ho! You think?”

“‘Ho ho’?” Tony repeated.

Loki ignored Stark. “We’ve been nearly killed by a hand dryer. Of course something’s amiss!” Feeling exposed, he crossed his arms over his bare chest.

Tony was still hung up on Loki’s sarcastic laugh. “Ho, ho, ho! I’m Santa Claus!”

“That is not what I was talking about,” Bruce retorted.

“Ho ho!” Loki laughed again.

“No, hear me out! I know the hand dryer is weird...and the elevator…”

“And the mailbox,” Thor reminded him.

“And the vending machine,” Stark added, momentarily distracted from mocking Loki.

“And that incident yesterday at the Redbox.”

“What?!?” Banner’s companions asked in unison.

“...But in all of those instances, I never once felt the urge to Hulk smash.”

His three comrades stared at him in abject terror. Something was really amiss, but what was the cause? Could the Grandmaster have something to do with it?

“Okay, Boys,” Tony said, “We’re not entirely sure what’s going on, but I think one thing is clear. It’s time to smoke this Grandbastard out of hiding.” Tony made to leave. “Oh, and Loki? You might want to put a shirt on first.”

“Have you been working out?” Thor asked as he passed his brother.

Loki snarled, two blotches of colour appearing on his cheeks.

The next day, Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, Tony Stark, and Clint Barton found themselves in the middle of filming a PSA for the state of New York concerning the location and removal of Chitauri weaponry. Since Loki had been instrumental in bringing said aliens into the city, they felt it would be tacky to have him appear in a video pleading for civilians to hand over any foreign technology to the government. The PSA had been planned weeks ago by Pepper Potts, but it was the perfect opportunity to lure their new threat out of hiding.

“Aaaaand ...cut,” shouted the director. “That was lovely, boys, but we’re doing it again.”

The four Avengers stood posing in the middle of a stage elevated several feet above the cement floor on a wooden platform. A green screen hung behind them to be filled in later with whatever image. Indistinct chatter filled the room, as studio workers bustled to and fro. The director and his crew were intently watching the dailies.

“Boys, are you buzzing?” the director’s booming voice broke through the din.

“No thanks, I've got a car,” Tony said, nonplussed.

“Not ‘bussing,’” hissed Hawkeye, “‘Buzzing.’”

“Only when I’m high,” Tony quipped.

A studio worker was motioning for them to be quiet. “No no, listen…”

The studio became deathly silent. What was once almost imperceptible over the chaos was now echoing as loud as a clarion. There was a distinct whirring sound, not unlike that of a circular saw.

Tony turned to Thor. “Is that you?”

“No.” Thor turned to Barton just as the buzzing stopped.

Indignant, Clint crossed his arms. “Well, don't look at me.”

The wooden stage crashed out from underneath Banner, dropping him several feet to the studio floor. The other Avengers crouched down at the place where Bruce formerly stood. They peered over the edge of the now perfectly sawed circle in the wood.

“It was you buzzing,” Tony shouted down to Bruce. “You naughty boy!”

Before Tony could taunt further, the Avengers became aware that Bruce was not alone. A bunch of henchmen, including Topaz, had pinned Dr. Banner down. Bruce attempted to speak, but his cries were muffled as Topaz covered his mouth.

The Grandmaster stood off to the side with a chainsaw. “Now we have him! See, Scrapper 142, this is how you do a kidnapping.”

Clint grabbed an arrow from his quiver and shot it into the hole. “Everybody duck!” A flash of light exploded, momentarily blinding the goons and the Grandmaster.

Valkyrie slipped under the stage, looking disgustedly at her “master.” She threw an empty beer bottle at his head, which caused him to topple over in a blind haze onto Topaz, slicing her leg with the chainsaw in the process.

Topaz let go of Bruce’s mouth to clutch her leg. “Ow! Oh! Oh, that stings.”

Bearing his hammer, Thor dropped down into the hole. He started knocking out henchmen with a single swing. The Grandmaster began to hastily crawl out from under the platform.

Up above, Tony had called his Ironman armor and was suiting up. “Quick, don’t let this psychopath escape,” he called to the studio workers.

Unfortunately, when Pepper had booked the PSA filming, she had not intended her boyfriend and his cronies to turn it into a trap for an intergalactic villain. None of the studio workers had any training in combat. They were running around the soundstage in a panic, some even screaming.

Ironman sighed. “Fine, I’ll apprehend him myself.” He blocked the Grandmaster’s path, as he squirmed out from under the stage, and aimed one of his blasters at him. “Freeze, buddy, or I’ll send you back to last Tuesday.”

The Grandmaster raised his eyebrows in approval. “Oh wow, your iron suit is sooo...red and shiny. I bet you can do a lot of things with that.”

Tony was momentarily flummoxed for a response, which was enough time for the venerable En Dwi Gast to press a transporter unit on his wrist and beam away. Ironman couldn’t help but be impressed. “Smooth, Grandbastard. You won this round.”

Meanwhile, as Thor and Barton dispatched of most of the Grandmaster’s men, Valkyrie tapped Bruce on the shoulder. “Flee!”

“Who are you? I feel like I know you!”

“Run!”

Bruce bent over to crawl out of the space, but straightened. “Will you explain everything when the opportunity presents itself?”

Valkyrie’s eyes darted over to Topaz’s writhing form. If Topaz saw her aiding the victim, she was done for. “Oh, please, flee!”

Bruce surveyed the pandemonium surrounding him and shrugged. “OK.” He shimmied out.

Valkyrie reluctantly grabbed Topaz’s hand and transported them both out of the studio. The hapless goons were left to be arrested and convicted, the prize of being one of the fickle Grandmaster’s subordinates. 


End file.
